07/29/2024

Eight Times it Might be Healthier Not to Forgive

This idea goes against the popular 'forgiveness industry'

There's a "forgiveness industry" of books, coaches, TED Talks and services promoting radical exoneration from every angle. Yet, after a decade researching the concept of forgiving for a book on the topic, I found that pardoning people too quickly can often be harmful and self-destructive. That's especially true when it comes to trauma.

"People who don't forgive are sometimes portrayed as cold, hardhearted or inflexible," said Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist in Los Angeles and the author of the book, It's Not You: Identifying and Healing From Narcissistic People. "But that's pathologizing the person harmed versus the offender who caused the damage. Sometimes, it's more authentic and empowering to move on without forgiving."

To be sure, holding a grudge over small slights can be self-defeating and unhealthy, but there are cases where turning the other cheek might be the wrong move.

Please select this link to read the complete article from The Washington Post.